Four Weeks Already!

As we close out week 4 of being a family of 8 there are many fun things to report.  It seems that each week brings the opportunity to unpack a new concept of family life.  This week the theme was "sharing" and "everybody."  I guess when you live in a compound with 85 kids and you have very little, when you are given something it is important to protect it.  For that reason, the girls always ask "For Joanna?' and "For Naomi?"  When speaking of a cup of milk at dinner the answer is typically, "Yes."  But when we are talking about and entire pack of gum, well, no.  I did give it to you and say you could have a piece, but you thought I meant you could have the whole pack.  Problem is, there are 5 other kids who would like a piece too.   So this week we finally came around to the idea that there are many things that, in a family, we share.  Prime examples are toothpaste, conditioner, foods that are found in the cooler at the swim meet.  Things we do not share include the gum in our mouth, the straw we are drinking from, the half-chewed carrot on the pool deck, and your underwear.   This week we were able to help the girls understand that as a family, we will always take care of each other by sharing what we have and no one has to hoard or hide things they want to use.

Week 4 also brought VBS into our lives.  The first night was a bit rough.  It was hard to know how to explain the decorations, theme, and crazy dress up nights, but the girls did a wonderful job.  The music was a big hit with Naomi.  She caught every word of every song we learned along with motions. They are a bit sad that "kid church" is now over and I don't have the right Creole words to explain that it will all happen again in a year.  It was such a gift from God that we had all 6 kids here to enjoy VBS this year, especially since last year we were using our VBS craft time to pack up goodie bags that were sent to the orphanage where the girls were living.

The best news of week 4 has been the continuous flow of English from Naomi and Joanna.  Just as I was writing this Joanna Sleyca (4 year old) says, "Daddy!  Daddy, come on.  Let's go!!"  as she drags him to the basement to play.  Naomi's language is growing even faster and most of the time now she speaks in phrase and even full sentences.  Very little creole is needed to get a message across these days.

Lest you think things are all perfect and peachy, we do still have tough times.  We are learning to parent with tough love.  The girls are inclined to show displeasure when they don't get a response they they find favorable.  We have had to be firm which results in sad faces, and sometimes tears, but it has yielded fruit in amazing ways.  No longer are shoes removed and thrown when gum is denied.  No longer does Naomi go limp when she is asked to go somewhere she does not want to go.  This week she even brought up a chat about obedience and told me that although she does not like to obey, she knows God tells us we must. When reminded to obey Mommy and Daddy, she is quick to do so.

Monday we start school.  Naomi is not impressed with the idea that school is at home, but I will see if I can change her mind!   She does love her back pack and the new supplies we have for her so maybe I'll be able to coast for a bit just on the newness of things!!!  I continue to be amazed at the grace God is pouring out in our lives. What an amazing God we serve!

I Like Warm Hugs

Bubble fun at the baseball field

Three weeks ago I was sitting on the floor in the playroom watching 6 children get to know each other as siblings.  They were all excited, eager, and on their best behavior.  The first night home was sweet for all of us, and we all slept well because we were exhausted from 2 years of waiting, 1 week of frantic last minute preparations, and two days of travel to get everyone under one roof.

Sisters on the slide

Tonight, three weeks later, we have achieved another major milestone.  Actually this week we have achieved several.  Naomi has started translating from creole to English for me when I don't understand Joanna. It is pretty funny because she watches me labor to try to figure things out and then after a few minutes if I appeal for help she looks t me like, "Really mom?"  and tosses out the translation I need. Both of the girls have learned that if they do not prefer a food it is okay to try it and not eat it, but it is also okay to eat vegetables and admit that you like them!!  Naomi ate a salad tonight for the first time!   And we even have had sibling arguments.  We have had to rearrange some kids so that the two that are at odds are no longer in the same row.  Though it is frustrating that they bicker, it is a true sign that we are all feeling normal around here.

Joanna organizing everyone's water bottles today

By far though, the greatest gift of this week came at bedtime tonight.  My heart was first warmed when a request was made to read books before bed (I am a book lover so this was a step in the right direction!).  After reading a whole pile of favorites, I tucked Joanna into bed and for the first time she reached up and hugged me and offered a kiss.  Until now I have tucked her in and kissed her forehead, but today I got my first bedtime hug and kiss.  Love-just pure love.  I had never realized how much I take for granted when one of my kids reaches out for a hug until tonight.
These simple advances have come with plenty of small set-backs (attempt at family photos last night...not so much, first trip to Dollar store....not so much, trying blueberries...not so much)  but those things are minor compared to the growth we are seeing in ALL of us.

We're Learning

School is out for two more weeks at the Grady Lane Day school yet I think I am learning more right now than I have in years.  Anytime you get to know a new friend, there is always a great deal to know about them.  The only other time in my
life that I experience immersion learning in regard to a person was when I moved in with Ryan the week after we got married.  I do recall that we learned a lot about each other in those first weeks.  I think that adopting an older child is more like that than bringing home a baby.  When you are 7, or even 4, you have a certain way of doing things already.  You have already developed habits, tendencies, and a personality.  In the case of Naomi and Joanna, none of those developed parts of their personalities mirror my own because I did not influence the growing of those things.  So, now that we all live together, there is a certain learning curve for all of us to understand how things are done.  For example, Naomi wakes up slow and eases in to her day.  When Joanna rinses her mouth out after brushing her teeth she does not swish water.  She fills her mouth with water and then shakes her whole head back and forth to move the water around before spitting.  Joanna eats one type of food at a time before moving to another.  If you give her a bag of snack mix it is cheeze-its first, then all the pretzels, then all the white puff things.  Naomi loves to help with chores.  Today she did more chores herself than the other 5 children put together.  And apparently the mark of clean hands is in the smelling of them.  If soap if smelled, hands are clean and mommy should always smell the hands.  (That means I smell hands roughly 15 times a day)

Those are the easy things.  There have been harder things to learn.  Some of the harder ones have hurt a little more. When a disagreement arose with the brothers this week, I insisted on a repentant heart and an apology.  Though it took almost on hour of sitting silently on the steps, Naomi was finally ready to offer an apology.  I know it was scary and hard for her to face the brothers whom she had wronged, but I was proud that she was willing to extend an apology.  I think she was even more thrilled when her brothers each offered hugs and "I love yous" in exchange.  The look on her face was priceless when she realized that they were willing to extend grace and not condemnation.  Silas was so thrilled for reconciliation that he bear hugged her before she ever said "sorry" and almost wouldn't let go.  Though this felt like a little step back, it was really two giant leaps forward as trust was built.

God continues to bless us as each day passes.  There are no longer fights when getting into the carseat, there are no longer cries in the middle of the night,  "Mommy look!!" is the constant chatter in my ear,  more and more time is being enjoyed reading books together, and there is a general contentment when we are just  hanging out at home.  New things are still scary, and new people are too, but those are things we can conquer another time. Week three is going  pretty well!

Below the Surface

Sick swimmer working puzzles

Puzzles and pattern blocks to start our day

With one sick swimmer today we were homebound.  Three kiddos headed off to the pool (thanks grandmas and friends who helped!)   two little sisters  and one sick brother stayed home with mom.  What better time to start school than today?  Though there was a little resistance at first, we managed to get two hours of schooling under our belts.  I will admit that I was frustrated that my girls did not eagerly jump to the table to sit and engage with me in all of the things I had planned. (I know, I am Pollyanna.  I get it from my mom) With some persistence, though, we got things going in the right direction.  It has become apparent that I will be able to start fresh with teaching the girls.  There is much ground to cover.  Initially I thought that there might be lack of interest in school things, but today I was able to peel back just enough layers to see that there is a hunger and a thirst for learning that has just been pushed aside.  What came across as indifference was just insecurity. Throwing a puzzle piece did not mean, "I dislike puzzles."  It meant "I feel like I should know how to do this but I just don't understand.  Please help me and cheer for me."    What looked like lack of comprehension was just a cry for kind words of praise and encouragement. Pushing the activity away with a furrowed brow didn't mean "Let's be done now."  It really meant, "If you let me sit on your lap I will have enough courage to try it again."  As time passed and we worked through several simple activities it became apparent that the girls were gaining confidence as we worked.

Hey sisters, Look what I did!

We may not have accomplished any major content mastery, but we did lay a simple foundation:

 I will help you 

It is okay if you are wrong

I will not laugh at you are tease you

As we sat and worked our way through 8 puzzles in a row I saw more and more smiles, laughter, and joy coming through.  She was so proud she even asked me to take pictures so she could show the big sisters when they got home.  

On the outside things may look one way, but today I was reminded that we need to dig just a little deeper to see what is really just under the surface.

Also a few extra photos of how things have been going!

Listening to Frozen together

Scooping and pouring in our rice bins!!

Milestones

Having never been through this journey of adoption before, we had no idea what to expect once we were all home together.  We did not know what would be tough, or what "tough" would look like.  We also did not know what would work well, or what "working well" would look like.  Today I learned a bit of what "working well" looks like for us!
After a family breakfast of pancakes, we attended the annual July 4th parade in Lorton, and then we were treated to ice cream sundaes by family and friends at Grace Bible Church who wanted to welcome the girls home.  Though there were nearly 100 people who dropped in at some point, the girls took it all in stride, and loved their ice cream.
After spending the morning with a huge group of people, we returned home where Joanna's personality came out in big ways.  It may have been thanks to the Hamster Dance card that a sweet family from our co-op gave us.  (Thanks Sharon!  The kids loved it and we have been hamster  dancing all day!), or it may have just been the comfort of home that brought out the giggles, tickles, and fun.  After a bit of bouncing on the trampoline with daddy we were off to the much awaited first pool trip to celebrate cousin Zachary's birthday.
The girls loved the pool.  Lakeridge Lancers, make room for two more!!!  Within minutes both girls were engaged in splashing, kicking, swimming, floating and jumping off the side into our arms.  We could have stayed for hours if these little Haitian bodies hadn't started to shiver as the sun went down.
After a bath, some hair washing, and some working on writing letters at the table it was clear that we were worn out  and ready for bed.
All of that sounds pretty good and normal, but the real victories were found in tiny moments that slid in here and there through our day. The whispered words in my ear at the pool, the way the English comes out of the four year old in various places (she always says "Please si vous plait" when she asks for something now), the fact that swimming was more fun than eating dinner (food is a big deal still), the way she asked to write her name today (not just her Haitian name, but her American name!), the way each of them cheerfully climbed into their beds and got under their covers without tears, pouting, or sulking.  All of those things tell me that we are, by God's grace, "working well" today.  Trust is built and shown in the smallest things, and I am thankful that God is giving us grace to see all that he is doing here.

"How great the Father's love for us,  How vast beyond all measure." has been on my tongue all day today. What a great way to celebrate this great nation!

Night at the Museum

Not ready for the pool yet?  Backyard water play will work just fine!

We are closing in on the Week 1 mark and we have had a tremendous week together. The girls have adjusted better than we could have imagined.  Each day we have seen more and more of the true personalities.  With swim season in full swing, we have 4 kids who need to be at the pool each morning and 2 who probably should not be around the pool each morning.  God has blessed us with great family and friends who have been willing to shuttle our swimmers back and forth leaving me the opportunity to spend some quiet moments with the little girls.  Our first morning we baked cookies.  The quietness of the house brought out the sweet, silly, and helpful nature of our two youngest daughters.  We mixed, measured, rolled and cut out cookies while eating tortilla chips, of all things.  This morning when Sleyca came downstairs, the first things she did was ask to put her apron on.  (Not sure if she was anticipating more baking or more tortilla chips!)  Again this morning the absence of 4 kids brought laughter, loud chatter, running around, and chasing of the dog.  I liken it to the movie "Night at the Museum," when all of the displays come to life after the museum closes.

We really were not sure what to plan for, prepare for, or anticipate in this first week.  But, God has provided for us every hour.  I know tough times will come, but for now we are still enjoying the sweetness of all of our kids enjoying each other, giving sacrificially of their time and treasures, learning how to communicate with and without words, and watching our family grow in trust and love each day.

Move over Rice and Beans.....Pizza is here to stay!!

 One of the most fun things to see is how the girls are willing to try new foods each day. Our wonderful homeschool and church friends are making dinners for us and each one has been a hit.  Then, since the Nationals won, we had to order pizza one night which was also a big hit!!  Daddy was happy to see his 7 year old daughter adjusting so well to America!

Looking forward to seeing what week 2 has in store for us!!! 

Hey sister, let me teach you about braiding.  (Sunshine was surprisingly gentle on Elizabeth's head)