3 months!

First apple picking trip

This weekend marks three months since our girls came home.  Hard to believe that is was only 90 days ago that we were collapsing into bed, exhausted, after a whirlwind trip to pick up Naomi and Joanna.  It is amazing to see how far they have some since then.
 Here are a few notable changes.....
1.  Creole is sometimes sung, but no longer spoken by either of the girls-it is all English all the time.  Since singing is such a big part of who they are, the girls are still acquiring enough English songs to fill their queue.  Creole songs still flow off the tongue pretty easily. Naomi even has a hard time coming up with a Creole word some of the time.

Annual "everyone jump in the air at the same time" photo with friends

2.  When Naomi came home she could write three letters and one number but did not know the names of any of them. She could count in English to the number 6. Today she can write every letter of he alphabet, name most of them, recite sounds for nearly all of them, writer her name and the names of almost all of the members of the family, She can write numbers 1-30 without help, can read most numbers and has started simple addition.  She tries hard when given a school task.  Oh, and she colors and cuts beautifully!
3.  Joanna's default facial expression is a wide smile with bright eyes.  (Previously it was a sullen or blank stare).
4.  They have each grown 1-1.5 inches taller.
5.  They like fruits and even a few vegetables.
6.  A plate sometimes comes back to the kitchen with food on it-not because it wasn't liked, just because they are full.
7.  The names of friends here in America have replaced the names of friends in Haiti when we play house or play "family"for the most part.  (Stephanie and Stephania will always be close to our hearts)
8.  We have officially documentation that the girls are full citizens of the USA (along with social security numbers after a painful 3 hour trip to the SS office this week!)
9.  Both girls are in love with ballet and can't wait for their class each week!
10. This is home now....and we are all loving being home together.



Unrelated to the previous list, but still a neat experience.....

Last week as a special treat, we rented a movie that Naomi had enjoyed watching in Haiti. "Three Ninjas" was previously unknown by the native Virginian Yoho children so we decided a rental was in order.  As soon as I told Naomi that we were going to watch it she was giddy with excitement.  She immediately rounded up all the kids and started to tell them about all of her favorite parts.  She reenacted several scenes and was literally jumping up and down as she recounted how much the kids would all LOVE this movie.  It was really neat to see her enthusiasm, but the best was yet to come.  We all settled in with popcorn and  as we watched it was hilarious to see Naomi's response to the film.  Though she had seen it many times before, this time she had quite a base of English language under her belt.  She laughed at parts that she never knew were funny before because she had not understood the words.  It was a real treat to see her discover this movie all over again.  We had a three day rental so, of course, the kids watched it three days in a row and since then they have been reenacting the film as a group......this was such a joy for me.  I know it might seem silly, but seeing all of the kids enjoy the same movie together, and seeing Naomi be the one who had the prior knowledge this time was just a great gift.  The Lord continues to provide for us in the big and in the small things.  I love the way he is making us a family.  I love the way he is helping us to find comfort, forgiveness, courage, joy and contentment in each other.  Looking forward to what the next three months will bring!

First day of homeschool co-op!

A Picture Is worth a Thousand Words

This simple picture was invaluable to me today.

1.  For the first time, when we came home from co-op today Naomi had an "agenda."  She was tired from a long morning of meeting new people, taking new classes, and trying new things. A month ago she would have gone to rest in her bed, worn out from so much new-ness and unsure of how to pass time.  Today she had a "down time" agenda for when she got home.  For the first time she went to play at HER house with HER stuff in a way that suited HER.

2.  Her "down time" activity was playing school!  No big deal.  Every little girl does it, right? When she was teaching her dolls to write letters and numbers today it showed that she likes school.  It was something she enjoys doing and something she was willing to model in her play.  (and she is a very kind and gentle teacher).

3.  It showed me that even though this was a tough week, that God is providing growth and grace in each day for us.  I was very overwhelmed earlier this week.  It was hard for me to see how this was actually going to be a sustainable system (the educating of 6 children).  I was overwhelmed with how much work was not getting done and how I would continue down this road for the next 29 weeks and somehow have all of my students know all that they need to know (and have a clean house too).  I realized that the source of most of my stress is that it is hard to project how things will be going two weeks from now or a month from now.  I don't know what we will be ready for.  In talking with a friend this week I likened this to when you have an infant.  Their schedule and capabilities are constantly changing.  Just when you think that you will never be able to make it out the door in a timely manner, their routine changes and all of a sudden you can go anywhere and often even be on time!  I feel like we are in a constant state of flux right now.  What might overwhelm us this week will be easy next week.  The language we didn't have three weeks ago is now fully in place and serving great purposes this week.  That constant change is a great gift.  It means that when things are tough, they will change.  Today I was thankful that this change brought about a quiet and contented spirit who enjoyed an afternoon at home in the way that every little girls should!

First Family Vacation!!

We were very blessed last week to be able to take our first family vacation with Naomi and Joanna.  We have been waiting for a LONG time to be able to stuff our Suburban full of kids and luggage and head off to one of our favorite vacation destinations:  The Outer Banks
Over the years we have enjoyed many family vacations with our siblings and cousins and parents at the beach.  It is one of our favorite ways to spend time with the extended family and we had looked forward to the time when we could teach the girls all of the fun traditions that have formed.  Though we were unable to get to the beach with all of the extended family, we did rope the 4 grandparents into joining us for the week.  We looked forward to them getting to know the girls better, to the kids all having fun making memories as siblings, and to a week just to play together without the pressures of normal life.  Our week did not disappoint us in any way.
The week could not have been more fun or relaxing.  We loved every moment of introducing the girls to the ocean.  Naomi had no fear of the water and spent hours digging in the sand. She fit right in with the crew whether they were jumping waves or digging tunnels.  Joanna preferred to sit neatly on a blanket and have snacks fed to her, but after a bit of coercion she was happy to run in the shallow waves and dig for hidden dinosaurs in the sand.  Though she might have preferred to be other places, she was a happy little camper as long as she was with the family.

The pool in the backyard provided hours of fun as well.  Joanna and Noami have become water bugs this summer and even though the water and air temperatures were a little on the cool side, they both loved being able to be in the water any time we were back at the house.  We even got them to enjoy time in the hot tub (or, as Joanna likes to call it, the "hot pool!")

Another favorite family tradition is running on the dunes at Jockey's Ridge State Park.  The cool weather made this a very enjoyable outing for all of us.  Though the climb is a daunting, the run back down the dunes is always worth the work!  We were treated this time to a unique experience.  The rains from the night before created ankle-deep pools that we were able to wade through on the way back to our shoes!

Our week was a great way to learn even more about each other, build trust, and just have fun together, There were shared experiences which helped Naomi, especially, to feel even more a part of this family.  One of the hardest things about adopting an older child (in  my limited experience) is that you want so badly for your child to jump in and feel loved and feel a part of the family.  You want them to  embrace the family right away.  However, that takes time and it takes shared experiences.  We needed to grow together through making memories and creating things in common.  The beach was the perfect place to work on trust and also to build common memories.

We are grateful to the grandparents who came along to spend the week with us all.  We enjoyed watching the kids enjoy their grandparents and we also benefited greatly from the help they provided as we ferried wagons full of chairs, boogie boards, and toys to the beach each day.  We loved playing Hide and Seek in the house, several rounds of UNO with whoever was willing to play, mini-golfing in the side yard and also watching the Washington Nationals play each night.  Thank you for watching movies with us,  finding ways to engage with 6 differently
personalitied children in a way that was meaningful to them, and for helping us fly kites.   Thank you for loving our family exactly as it is right now.  Thank you for taking the time our of your schedules to show Naomi and Joanna what being in a family feels like. Thank you for allowing us to parent in the way we feel is best and for supporting us in this journey.  We are blessed to have you as role models in our lives and I know that our children will be blessed through your Godly example in their lives.  

The Things We Do For Love

As parents we all do certain things that we might not otherwise do in order to show love to our children.  This can range from watching animated movies to trying new yogurt flavors (things that are colored in ways that are not natural and do not represent, in any way, the food we cal yogurt), and even trying out new activities or sports.  Being a parent means that you will do whatever it takes to help your child grow, learn, and thrive.  Ryan has always been the kind of dad who gives good gifts to his children.  He does not spoil them, but he does enjoy seeing them light up with excitement.  He love to provide good things for them and he usually does it without consulting me.  I say that not because it frustrates me (it really doesn't), but to give him the credit he deserves when he pulls off cool dad things for the kids.   I am usually as surprised as they are.  When Naomi and Joanna came home it was harder to demonstrate love for them right away in terms of special events because we needed time to get to know them and learn what they like.  In keeping with his character, once Ryan found an area to pursue, he was all over it.  The result:  facial hair!  I am not sure why, but Naomi loves facial hair on men.  Jason Werth is her favorite Washington Nationals player, and now her dad is her hero because he looks like this:

Last week he came in one night to tuck her in and he kissed her good night.  She asked him to do it again, but differently. She did not want a kiss on the cheek.  She wanted his beard to rub her cheek.   Her words, "This one says 'I love you,'" as she pointed to his whiskers.  I guess I can be glad that her passion is not for neon colored hair or belly button rings as I am not sure those would look nearly
as good on Ryan!!

Grief

We knew from the start that grief would be a part of this journey.  Either for the girls, or for us, or for our biological kids.  Somewhere, there would be grief.  We went a full 9 weeks without any crying, any sign of sadness, any talk of the home country, and very little chatter about the friends who were left behind.  In 9 weeks you can get comfortable and start to think that things are good, no one is really that sad, this family was a great change for them, and maybe they like it so much that they are really not going to grieve.  Maybe there will not be fits of anger and sadness and grief.  Ha!
While I know in my head that is not really true, you could start to be persuaded of that as you are living from day to day seeing things going so well and seeing such progress being made.  You could start to hope that you are already through the tough parts and think that you are on to smoother roads and greener pastures.  After all, there was some serious adjusting at first.  There have been tough days already.  (Your brain fights against this because everything you have read, been taught, and heard  is screaming to you that THERE WILL BE GRIEVING, but your daily experiences are showing you that maybe things will be different for you).  So you might be inclined to believe that there will not be grief.  But then it comes.
In a simple question, it all unfolds. "Mommy, Ayiti?  Me going Aiyti."
And a simple conversation follows.  You can imagine all the things we said.  How we explained that God gave you a family here in America to take care of you and how you have brothers and sisters and parents here to help you and tech you and love you.  In Haiti you would be lonely and you would not have your family.  And we would miss you so much.
Several minutes of quiet talking and cuddling pass and finally she curls up on her pillow and closes her eyes.  She does not cry-that is not really who she is.  But she solemnly thinks and quietly processes the magnitude of what she has just been told.
I am not going back.  I am staying here.  This is my family now.  No one asked me if I wanted this family.  What about my family in Haiti?  Wait, did I have a family in Haiti?  Why don't i have a fmaily in Haiti?
At this point I can only wonder what she is thinking and feeling.  There is a bit of a language barrier still, but there is also a part of her personality that just won't go deep.  She is not ready to talk.
After I leave her room, I have a pit in my stomach.  It takes hours of prayer and reflection to ease it away.  My wise and rational husband is quick to remind me that this is natural.  She is not lashing out against us.  She is not saying she does not like living here.  She is just coming to terms with the reality of this situation.  This is not a step back-in many ways it is a step forward.
Talking tonight with Naomi was a reminder that she calls me "Mom" but it does not mean the same thing as when the other kids do. It does not mean she has forgotten her past completely and accepted a new set of parents without hesitation.   "Mom" means that I am the adult in charge but it still does not quite mean, "I know you love me and will always be here with me and I know you can be trusted."  That will take some time still.
So grief came last night; not like a flood, more like a slow stream.  It then wound its way through our day in the form of little questions, comparisons, acting out, defiance, and even tiredness.  It pooled up again at bedtime with more questions and more solemn eyes,  and will likely gush again tomorrow and for many days to come.
I find myself praying without ceasing that her little heart will accept this, God's plan for her life.  I pray that the seemingly unaware little sister will remain blissfully ignorant of big sister's grief as she seems young enough that she is relatively unaffected.  I pray that time will heal a heart that is hard to read and that God will pour love over this little girl who hurts and ponders and is trying to make sense of this new life while grieving the loss of the old one.
And as I pray I am putting on my raincoat, galoshes, umbrella, and rain hat so that when the floods or streams or trickles of grief come I will be equipped and ready to hold a little girl in my arms in the midst of the flowing grief and show her what Mom really means.