We are closing in on the end of 2013. January always brings the promise of new opportunities, and new chances to set our homes and lives in order. Ahhhhh, the endless list-making opportunities for Type A personalities! Typically I am giddy with excitement at the star of a new year. But this year I am dragging myself across the finish line of 2013.
Back in June we were all but assured that our adoption would be finished up by then end of the year. There was no good reason why the girls would not be home with us to start off January. Page after page of the calendar have flipped.....but no news is coming our way.
I am not sure there is actually a word to describe the feeling. It is not sadness, nor is it depression. I guess the best word is unsettled. We are living between two countries, between two families. Actually, the best idea to apply here is one from vacation Bible school this summer. An idea that God has introduced to us in his scriptures. We are ALREADY......but NOT YET. The girls already bear our last name. They are already our children. Their future has already been sealed in God's plans. But, they are not yet in our home, not yet in our daily lives, not yet beginning the next chapter of their story. This isn't sadness, because we have great hope of what it will be like when they arrive. It isn't depression because there will be joy when they sit at our dinner table soon. But, it is unsettling because we long for what we cannot yet have, and we desire to hold in our arms the gift we know we will soon receive.
There is a restlessness that goes with this situation. A desire to be together and begin our life as a family of 8. But there is a longing to make the most of every minute we have now. There is a comfort and a peace in this life we are in right now, but there is also a promise of something greater. Isn't this is the same wrestling we sometimes feel as we anticipate Christ's return and the end of this life as we know it now? We long to begin our eternity with Christ under his rule. We seek to know what that new Heaven and New Earth will be like. But we also enjoy to joys and blessings that this life has to offer. Some days we are comfortable here and are not ready to leave just yet, while others we fervently ask Christ to come so we can move on to the bigger and better life he holds for us. So we find ourselves unsettled.
Alas, 2014 begins this way. We are Already.....but Not Yet. And being that way is unsettling. But for now, we'll cling to the HOPE that comes in being Already. We are Already chosen for His purposes, saved by His grace, and promised abundant life. We are already living in the goodness of what Jesus Christ did for us in his life, death and resurrection. We are already a family of 8. We are already in love with the daughters we do not yet have. We are already counting the days until they are here.
Maybe by the start of 2015 we'll be starting to see some "Not Yets" realized in tangible ways!!
Happy New Year
The girls might "not yet" call you Mama but they "already" have an AMAZING forever mama just waiting for them here in Virginia. Without even knowing it, they have a forever family who has great and wonderful plans for them just like our heavenly Father has great and wonderful plans for each of us that we are unaware of at this point. You started this journey of faith holding onto God's hand almost two years ago and I love the fact that even though it hurts sometimes you are still clinging to the hand of the one who knows the passions of your heart. Looking forward to seeing what God has planned for your family of 8 in 2014.
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