What a Difference a Year Can Make!

June 28, 2015:  Gotcha Day!!

A year ago we were in Haiti having a party with 80 or more children at an orphanage. Today we ate cake (with far fewer than 80 children), played with some cousins, celebrated a friend who is preparing for a missions trip to Haiti, enjoyed a rainy day movie, braided hair, and watched our puppies run around with toys that don't actually belong to them.  As I tucked Naomi in to bed tonight she said, "Mom, it was a goooood day."  And she was right.

Naomi's first independent read!

One year ago I was excited to be sleeping in Haiti and waiting for the first flight out in the morning. I had no idea how to parent these two little girls that boarded a plane with us and became ours forever in a moment, but it didn't matter because we were finally in the real part of life, and not in the waiting part.  We had prayed for them and waited for them and we thought we knew them, but in reality we knew them very little.  Even our then-11 year old daughter was quick to point out that the newest family members were not the same people that we had seen in pictures for nearly three years. They were not who we had made them to be in our minds.    The next twelve months would change how we saw both of these little ladies, but we did not know that at the time.

Yoho family campout!

A year later I finally feel like I have found a rhythm in parenting again.  It is a unique experience to both learn a child and train a child at the same time.  With biological children we have the opportunity to slowly learn who they are, and in the same time they learn who we are.  With adopted children, especially older ones, the parent is learning about their child as they are trying to help them learn about their family, their world, and their God.  For us, trust is being built in those simple little actions like holding hands in the parking lot and being made to wear a seat belt.  It is formed in the consistently reinforced boundaries of a family (It is never okay to ask a stranger for gum out of her purse.  Even if you think you know her.  Even if she smiles at you.  Even if her gum looks really good), and experienced in routines that never change (Yes, we always sit down when we eat.  Even when we need to eat quickly.  Even when it is soup for lunch.  Even when it is Friday.  Please just sit down already!)    Love is defined in the times when a child is disciplined and then finds herself coming back for a hug and a word of encouragement.  Love is being learned when a sibling teaches you something new, protects you from a world who might not understand you, and reads Franklin books over and over and over again because they are your favorite.  I feel like this first year has really been about just learning each other and building trust with each other.

This used to be Joanna's standard expression.

It is hard to imagine that a year has passed. I asked my sweet husband last night how he felt a year later.  Did he feel more blessed?  More filled with God's provisions?  More encouraged and excited about our children?  More in love with his children?  He just chuckled and said, "Nope."  And then he added that that wasn't bad because none of these things were promised by God.  The day-to-day experience of raising kids from tough places doesn't always feel like any of the things that we think of when we hear the word "adoption".  It certainly does not feel warm and fuzzy, or heroic, or wonderful, or encouraging most days.  In all honesty, I feel more drained, more hurt, more tired, and more humbled than ever before.  Our lows are pretty low, but our successes are pretty amazing.  We are experiencing more of God's grace, more of His love, and more of his provision as we watch Him grow and mold our family into the people He wants us all to be.  The things he has promised:  eternal life to those who believe in him and forgiveness of sins, faithfulness to complete the works he has started:  those are the promises to which I cling.

This is how she is seen most often now!

It has been amazing to experience some many firsts this year.  Learning to read, dancing "on the big stage,"  going camping, a trip to the beach, finally understanding rhyming words, mastering the spelling of Tuesday (come on....give these young learners a break English!), making friends, watching baseball, seeing fireworks for the first time, getting puppies.....what a year.

Joanna is all excitement all the time. Anything can be fun, especially if it includes a snack.  She is quick to tell you what is not her favorite, but is usually cheerful in the telling.  Each week after Sunday school she is proud to tell me what she learned.  My favorite so far was the day of Pentecost:  "Them had fire on them heads, and them had Jesus in them hearts and them was happy!"  Joanna, you are the best little sister a family could have.

Naomi's first dance recital!

Naomi is finding her place int he middles of this pack and making a name for herself.  She has made excellent progress in school this year and continues to plow through the books this summer.  She loves to dance, sing, and make people happy.  Her monthly shift in the nursery is often a highlight at church-we call her the baby whisperer as she seems able to calm most any upset little one.  She is currently in training on the developmental swim team and hopes to be able to join her big sibs on the big team next year.  She already tells me that when she grows up she will live close by so she can make me dinner!

When we look back on the first pictures of our family we are reminded of the brokenness that existed in the girls' hearts.  Today they are totally different kids:  we can't get them to stop giggling, smiling, and talking (there is always a LOT of talking).  Though the view from the weeds is tough and sometimes hurts, the aerial view is pretty amazing and we are so blessed to have friends and family that help us see it when we, ourselves, lose sight of what is really happening 12 months later!  It was fun to read back through the blog tonight and be reminded of the way things were many months ago.  I will say, that though all of the "firsts" have been very fun, we are glad that our first year is wrapping up and are looking forward to the "seconds" with the hope that they will come with fewer questions!  :)

Mother's Day

A year ago  I was standing in front of our church congregation giving a testimony to the work that God was doing in our family.  Nothing says, "Happy Mother's Day," like telling your church family that you are struggling to walk in faith while you wait for your adoption to be finalized so your children can come home.  That was a hard day despite the many hugs and encouraging words that came from friends after I shared raw feelings.

Today a new and different sort of tears fell as I stood in worship.  Tears of healing,and of joy, and of thanks.  God WAS being faithful as we were waiting.  He WAS providing for us even though ti was hard for us to see His ways.  He DID bring our children home in His timing.  And today I got to look back, remember, and rejoice in all that he HAd done, and all that he is yet to do.  Today as I sang of his greatness, a little girl, MY little girl, sang along.  She didn't know all the words, and she couldn't necessarily read fast enough to make them out from the screen, but her heart desired to magnify the same God that mine did.  The pain of last year on Mother's Day was still real in my heart because we will always grieve the years that we lost with these two loves, but there was healing and joy to replace the hurt that I felt so deeply last year.

This was definitely the best Mother's Day I have had so far.  I loved how Joanna ran out of Sunday school pleased to deliver to me the "surprise" candle that she had made for me as if I had no clue it was coming (I spent all day Saturday melting the candle for the kids)  I loved how Naomi has spent the last three weeks preparing my gift and keeping it hidden in her room!  I was spoiled with chocolate covered strawberries from Ryan, sweet notes from all of my kids, and even a long walk with my puppies. One of my children loved me enough to convert the Declaration of Independence into a Declaration of Mom.  It was pretty impressive.   But I think the best thing about today is that God used a tough Sunday last year as a marker in my life to show me that His love for me is steadfast.  He provides for me everyday through my husband and my children, and today was no exception.  What a mighty God!

Nine Months!

The end of January marked seven months of the girls being home.  And this blog post never got written.  The end of February came and went and the girls had been home for eight months and still this blog never got published.  Here we are in the beginning of March and before we hit the end, when the girls will have been here for Nine months, I am going to publish this post.  And it will be early!  (I know, this is the same thing as writing things on your To-Do list that you have already done just to show progress.  We Type A's are like that sometimes!)

We finally got enough snow to build a snow friend....but now we really want our flip-flops!

 June seems like ages ago.   So where are we seven eight almost nine months later?    By God's grace, we are feeling "normal."  There is nothing that really sticks out about us.  Okay, maybe we stick out a little because we are a large family.  For example, there was a guy in Walmart this week who asked if I did day care.  When I responded that they are all mine he followed up with, "Um, adopted?"  When I affirmed that some of them were, he threw up a big ol' high five and reported that he, too, had been adopted.  It is always nice to have a fan when you are in the trenches of shopping for aluminum foil in Walmart with six children who all want to pick out different dog treats for the new puppy that arrives in a week.  (Did I mention they were all loud and rowdy since they had only been outside once in the previous week because it is so cold? )

But aside from that, things are really normal.  Well, except there is still a little language learning going on.  Today I had to explain the difference between a hearse and a horse. That was a very amusing conversation to have.  My Haitian new reader is really fighting with the R-controlled vowels!

At the mid-point in the school year we are happy to report 6 kids who enjoy school (for the most part)!  Naomi is well on her way to being and independent reader and writer and this week she conquered the doubles addition facts and tens pairs.  These are little victories in a big war, but they are huge in our world.   Just when I am ready to throw in the towel on a given concept she shows up having mastered it.  I am perpetually reminding myself that she has MANY hurdles to overcome that most kids will never deal with, and she is attacking them head on.  She participated in our home-school science fair last month and did a great job of talking with the judges about what she had learned.  I was so proud and she loved getting a third place ribbon!

Joanna is enjoying preschool and especially loves her weekly field trip with Nana and her two cousins to the library for story time.  She loves Mr. John who sings songs and reads stories and leads them in a craft and typically comes home with her project demanding that it be hung up in the kitchen.  We are trying a couple of weeks of gluten-free diet for her to see if that will improve some minor issues.  She is such a delight that even when the rest of the crew is eating homemade bread she gladly eats her "special food" since "glue stick" makes her tummy hurt.  Gluten, sweet girl, gluten.  (Though glue sticks would hurt you too)

One of my masterpieces!

I am coming to terms with Haitian hair, and now taking hairstyle requests from Naomi every two weeks.  Last week she really brought on the challenge with a request for braids that wrapped around her head and ended on the top with beads that would look like bangs but in the end she said I did great.  "I knew you could do it Mom!"  I still have a long way to go, but I no longer feel intimidated by the lady at the library who offered me her phone number to help with Joanna's hair two months ago.

Joanna helping big sis with her photography class