One More Month

Girls,
One month from today we'll hold you for the first time.  Just one month.  After 6 months of knowing you would belong to our family  and after knowing you only through pictures, we'll actually see you, touch you, hold you.  We'll tell you who we are and we'll tell you we love you.  We'll hug and not want to let go.

As I think about how that will go, I feel a mix of emotions.  Will you understand who we are?  Will you know that we are your parents?  Will you like us?  Be scared of us?  Will you want to go with us?  What if you don't like what we look like?  Maybe you wanted a mommy with short hair, or a daddy who doesn't wear glasses.  You've had ideas in your mind about us just like we have about you.  What if we are not what you dream of when you go to sleep at night?

I can fill my mind with thousands of questions and fears  Shallow, insignificant thoughts that don't really matter.  But maybe they do.......

When I get overwhelmed with the questions and fears and wonder, "What are we doing here?  How can I possibly provide you with a better life than what you have now?  What makes me think that I have what you need?  I can't rescue you.  I can't save you.  I don't know you, haven't learned you yet.  We won't have a gradual process of knowing each other like I had with the other children.  We'll have to learn each other fast and resolutely decided to love each other and start life together   That scares me.  It stops me in my tracks.  It stills my heart and takes all of the good feelings out of this situation.

But when I find myself there, surrounded by my doubts, fears and assumptions, then God meets me and breaths His Word into my heart.  There he speaks and reminds me, "Lacey, I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and self control."  2 Tim 1:7.  There he reminds me that my God is also your God.  The God who painted the sky that you look at each evening in Haiti.  The God who heard you describe it as, "that beautiful sky that God painted."  

So, with one month to go before we are together, I am praying.  I am talking to God every day and asking him to help you accept me as I am, to love me as my mom, to trust that God put us together for His glory.  I am praying that I will know hoe to love you, how to hold you so that you feel safe, how to teach you, how to share Jesus with you, how to make a home for you.

And with one month to go, I am trusting that one month from now you two and us two will have a great time beginning to learn each other, and God's grace will fill our hearts and begin to meld them together, and we'll start to be a family.