Below the Surface

Sick swimmer working puzzles

Puzzles and pattern blocks to start our day

With one sick swimmer today we were homebound.  Three kiddos headed off to the pool (thanks grandmas and friends who helped!)   two little sisters  and one sick brother stayed home with mom.  What better time to start school than today?  Though there was a little resistance at first, we managed to get two hours of schooling under our belts.  I will admit that I was frustrated that my girls did not eagerly jump to the table to sit and engage with me in all of the things I had planned. (I know, I am Pollyanna.  I get it from my mom) With some persistence, though, we got things going in the right direction.  It has become apparent that I will be able to start fresh with teaching the girls.  There is much ground to cover.  Initially I thought that there might be lack of interest in school things, but today I was able to peel back just enough layers to see that there is a hunger and a thirst for learning that has just been pushed aside.  What came across as indifference was just insecurity. Throwing a puzzle piece did not mean, "I dislike puzzles."  It meant "I feel like I should know how to do this but I just don't understand.  Please help me and cheer for me."    What looked like lack of comprehension was just a cry for kind words of praise and encouragement. Pushing the activity away with a furrowed brow didn't mean "Let's be done now."  It really meant, "If you let me sit on your lap I will have enough courage to try it again."  As time passed and we worked through several simple activities it became apparent that the girls were gaining confidence as we worked.

Hey sisters, Look what I did!

We may not have accomplished any major content mastery, but we did lay a simple foundation:

 I will help you 

It is okay if you are wrong

I will not laugh at you are tease you

As we sat and worked our way through 8 puzzles in a row I saw more and more smiles, laughter, and joy coming through.  She was so proud she even asked me to take pictures so she could show the big sisters when they got home.  

On the outside things may look one way, but today I was reminded that we need to dig just a little deeper to see what is really just under the surface.

Also a few extra photos of how things have been going!

Listening to Frozen together

Scooping and pouring in our rice bins!!

Milestones

Having never been through this journey of adoption before, we had no idea what to expect once we were all home together.  We did not know what would be tough, or what "tough" would look like.  We also did not know what would work well, or what "working well" would look like.  Today I learned a bit of what "working well" looks like for us!
After a family breakfast of pancakes, we attended the annual July 4th parade in Lorton, and then we were treated to ice cream sundaes by family and friends at Grace Bible Church who wanted to welcome the girls home.  Though there were nearly 100 people who dropped in at some point, the girls took it all in stride, and loved their ice cream.
After spending the morning with a huge group of people, we returned home where Joanna's personality came out in big ways.  It may have been thanks to the Hamster Dance card that a sweet family from our co-op gave us.  (Thanks Sharon!  The kids loved it and we have been hamster  dancing all day!), or it may have just been the comfort of home that brought out the giggles, tickles, and fun.  After a bit of bouncing on the trampoline with daddy we were off to the much awaited first pool trip to celebrate cousin Zachary's birthday.
The girls loved the pool.  Lakeridge Lancers, make room for two more!!!  Within minutes both girls were engaged in splashing, kicking, swimming, floating and jumping off the side into our arms.  We could have stayed for hours if these little Haitian bodies hadn't started to shiver as the sun went down.
After a bath, some hair washing, and some working on writing letters at the table it was clear that we were worn out  and ready for bed.
All of that sounds pretty good and normal, but the real victories were found in tiny moments that slid in here and there through our day. The whispered words in my ear at the pool, the way the English comes out of the four year old in various places (she always says "Please si vous plait" when she asks for something now), the fact that swimming was more fun than eating dinner (food is a big deal still), the way she asked to write her name today (not just her Haitian name, but her American name!), the way each of them cheerfully climbed into their beds and got under their covers without tears, pouting, or sulking.  All of those things tell me that we are, by God's grace, "working well" today.  Trust is built and shown in the smallest things, and I am thankful that God is giving us grace to see all that he is doing here.

"How great the Father's love for us,  How vast beyond all measure." has been on my tongue all day today. What a great way to celebrate this great nation!

Night at the Museum

Not ready for the pool yet?  Backyard water play will work just fine!

We are closing in on the Week 1 mark and we have had a tremendous week together. The girls have adjusted better than we could have imagined.  Each day we have seen more and more of the true personalities.  With swim season in full swing, we have 4 kids who need to be at the pool each morning and 2 who probably should not be around the pool each morning.  God has blessed us with great family and friends who have been willing to shuttle our swimmers back and forth leaving me the opportunity to spend some quiet moments with the little girls.  Our first morning we baked cookies.  The quietness of the house brought out the sweet, silly, and helpful nature of our two youngest daughters.  We mixed, measured, rolled and cut out cookies while eating tortilla chips, of all things.  This morning when Sleyca came downstairs, the first things she did was ask to put her apron on.  (Not sure if she was anticipating more baking or more tortilla chips!)  Again this morning the absence of 4 kids brought laughter, loud chatter, running around, and chasing of the dog.  I liken it to the movie "Night at the Museum," when all of the displays come to life after the museum closes.

We really were not sure what to plan for, prepare for, or anticipate in this first week.  But, God has provided for us every hour.  I know tough times will come, but for now we are still enjoying the sweetness of all of our kids enjoying each other, giving sacrificially of their time and treasures, learning how to communicate with and without words, and watching our family grow in trust and love each day.

Move over Rice and Beans.....Pizza is here to stay!!

 One of the most fun things to see is how the girls are willing to try new foods each day. Our wonderful homeschool and church friends are making dinners for us and each one has been a hit.  Then, since the Nationals won, we had to order pizza one night which was also a big hit!!  Daddy was happy to see his 7 year old daughter adjusting so well to America!

Looking forward to seeing what week 2 has in store for us!!! 

Hey sister, let me teach you about braiding.  (Sunshine was surprisingly gentle on Elizabeth's head)

A GREAT BIG GOD

Party of 8!

Last week was filled with emotion.  We had a visa appointment on Monday that went well.  There was expectation of travel papers on Wednesday which actually materialized on Thursday.  There was waiting.  There was crying.  There was other weird stuff that came out of the children who live here that we were not familiar with.  There was more waiting.  There was frustration, and there was impatience.  I know the blog does not tell a continuous story at this point.....we fell off the wagon for a bit, but our 2.5 year journey was inching its way to the completion.  Al of the love, hurt, waiting, brokenness, love, waiting and love were raising to the tops of our souls and then they started bursting out of us.  My favorite moment to illustrate the point was when one of the children tried to address a letter to dear friends who now live in Texas.  Said child is a competent envelope addresser, but it took 5 attempts tot get the address just right.  FIVE envelopes, many tears, and several minutes of just being held.  I quickly discerned that this was not about the envelopes.  It was about the sisters who were on the other end of two plane flights waiting for us.
At the pool with friend we got the word that we were cleared to travel-the papers were ready and there was nothing stopping us  from getting Sunshine and Sleyca.  Within minutes flights were book, calls were made and we were headed with the swim team to celebrate at Sweet Frog!

The first many hours were reserved for joy, exclamation, sharing the news (and eating sweet frog!).  Then, as I tucked kids in and final things were packed into back packs, the anxiety set it.  Nothing major weighed on me, but EVERY MINOR DETAIL weighed on me.  I did not force myself to acknowledge them hoe GREAT my God is.  I had a learned a song at Lifeline when I was there a while back that goes like this, "I've got a GREAT BIG God-Oh, by my side, by my side."  Let me run down some of my little worries and how a GREAT BIG GOD responded.

The contents of our 4 bags which MAY have been a little too heavy!

1.  My checked luggage was probably just a little bit too heavy (4 huge bags crammed with 100 gift bags for the children and staff that were made by our church at VBS last year).  The agent who checked us in was confused at why one would travel to Haiti for an overnight trip with 4 huge bags.  We explained our situation and he was so happy for us that he didn't even weight the bags....just put tags on them and off we went!!
2.  When we arrived in Haiti we might not be able to find our driver easily.  As soon as we walked out of the baggage area he was standing at the front gate with a sing bearing our name.
3.  What if the girls rejected us?  As we pulled in to the compound and stopped, I saw my sweet Sunshine peeking out of the front door with anxiety in her own eyes.  I leapt from the car and ran to her.  The closer I got the more joy filled her face.  She remembered.  She was excited, and that joy and acceptance helped Sleyca's as well.  We were together now...forever.
4.  We had the making of a party for the kids but what if there was not time to put it together or what if we were not allowed to bring all of the children into the guest house to celebrate?  The director welcomed us with  dinner (which was amazingly good).  Then she provided us time and space to set up our party.  She was grateful for all we had planned and brought with us and was thrilled to see the children celebrate with our family.
5.  What if it was miserably hot and the A/C was not working and we couldn't sleep?  Well, it was, and it wasn't, and we didn't.  But it was the best not-sleeping I've ever done!  The girls slept peacefully, Ryan was restless and a little gecko chirped at me all night long.  At one point I got a text from my brother reminding me that there was a team of people who were taking turns praying for us each hour through the night.....what a gift from our God!!  Who needs A/C??  :)
6.  What if we had trouble at the airport with the documents?  Again, my God had this covered.  We were treated like royalty, taken to the front of every line (okay, some of that was for a tip.... a generous tip), given seats together i the waiting area by missions groups who congratulated us and were excited with us.  The time passed quickly and we were on our way!!

The window shade went up and down hundreds of times....who needs crayons when you have a window shade?

Miss Manners made sure her napkin was on her lap during snack time

7.  What if the girls get scared on the plane?  OR maybe they will get sick?  Again, not an issue.  They flew well, not  a tear was shed, they loved the plane.  Well, there was a little hiccup with Sleyca wearing a seat belt on the first flight, but on the second flight the stewardess actually asked me to just hold her because she is so little!  WHAT?  God would be so good to this little girl that he would not even ask her to wear a seat belt!  He loves her in ways that are big for her, and that blessed me greatly.  We had seats all together on every flight even though we started with four separate seats on each flight.

So, in case I was considering taking up a life full of trivial worrying, let me assure you, "I've got a GREAT BIG God-Oh, by my side, by my side."  (The sermon in church yesterday was even addressing this specifically-Thanks Stuart!)  The girls are settling in very well.  We've had consistent times of giggles, playing, laughing, and fun.  There has been much playing, silliness, learning of English, and we've been able to communicate well despite the language barrier.  They are both eating well and sleeping well.  God continues to protect us and care for us.  While we know harder days will come, we are choosing to drink in the goodness of today and not worry or fret about tomorrow.  (As Stuart reminded us yesterday, that would indicate that we do not believe that God will provide for our future.)

The girls saying goodbye to Mama Nicole

Thank you for your prayers, for the meals, for the warm welcome at the airport, for the gift you have been to us as we have walked the first part of this journey.  Thank you for sticking with us in the days, weeks, and months to come. We are excited to see how our GREAT BIG GOD will continue to reveal himself.

Opening their goodie bags from Grace Bible Church

Dresses made by  the AHG Explorers

"Gotcha!!"

Waiting siblings

YEAH!!!!

The welcome wagon

Adoption Thoughts: Already....but Not Yet

We are closing in on the end of 2013.  January always brings the promise of new opportunities, and new chances to set our homes and lives in order.    Ahhhhh,  the endless list-making opportunities for Type A personalities!  Typically I am giddy with excitement at the star of a new year.  But this year I am dragging myself across the finish line of 2013.
 
Back in June we were all but assured that our adoption would be finished up by then end of the year.  There was no good reason why the girls would not be home with us to start off January.   Page after page of the calendar have flipped.....but no news is coming our way.

I am not sure there is actually a word to describe the feeling.  It is not sadness, nor is it depression.  I guess the best word is unsettled.  We are living between two countries, between two families.  Actually, the best idea to apply here is one from vacation Bible school this summer.  An idea that God has introduced to us in his scriptures.  We are ALREADY......but NOT YET.  The girls already bear our last name.  They are already our children.  Their future has already been sealed in God's plans.  But, they are not yet in our home, not yet in our daily lives, not yet beginning the next chapter of their story.  This isn't sadness, because we have great hope of what it will be like when they arrive.  It isn't depression because there will be joy when they sit at our dinner table soon.  But, it is unsettling because we long for what we cannot yet have, and we desire to hold in our arms the gift we know we will soon receive.

There is a restlessness that goes with this situation.  A desire to be together and begin our life as a family of 8.  But there is a longing to make the most of every minute we have now.  There is a comfort and a peace in this life we are in right now, but there is also a promise of something greater.  Isn't this is the same wrestling we sometimes feel as we anticipate Christ's return and the end of this life as we know it now?  We long to begin our eternity with Christ under his rule.  We seek to know what that new Heaven and New Earth will be like.  But we also enjoy to joys and blessings that this life has to offer.  Some days we are comfortable here and are not ready to leave just yet, while others we fervently ask Christ to come so we can move on to the bigger and better life he holds for us.  So we find ourselves unsettled.

Alas, 2014 begins this way.  We are Already.....but Not Yet.  And being that way is unsettling.  But for now, we'll cling to the HOPE that comes in being Already.  We are Already chosen for His purposes, saved by His grace, and promised abundant life.  We are already living in the goodness of what Jesus Christ did for us in his life, death and resurrection.  We are already a family of 8.  We are already in love with the daughters we do not yet have.  We are already counting the days until they are here.

Maybe by the start of 2015 we'll be starting to see some "Not Yets" realized in tangible ways!!

Happy New Year

Adoption Thoughts: Surrender

I'm not a very eloquent writer.  I don't usually have much to say to a public audience.  I don't feel like the thoughts that roll around in my head are worthy of publishing.  And I don't feel sad about any of that-it is just the way I am.  There are other great things about me.  If you want to have a fun party, call me up.  Need ideas for a great family vacation at the beach?  I got those!!  Need plans for a crafty playgroup or a fun home school lesson?  I'm your girl. Trying to juggle lots of small people with a joyful heart?  (So am I, maybe we should look for help together!)  But this blog thing?  Not really my forte-yet, for some reason, I feel pushed to jot down some of the things God is telling me right now.  Maybe it is so that I will remember them later.  Maybe so that my kids can read them someday, or maybe just so that as I see them in print God can remind me of how he is working.  Or, maybe a reader needs a word from Him.  So, here I go.

This journey called adoption is not what I thought it would be.  There are many misconceptions that I had when we entered this process nearly two years ago.  Here is what it is NOT:
A rescue mission to save two precious little girls from a life of poverty and want
A chance to teach my biological children how to be selfless people
A really good thing to do to help someone
A neat way to expand the family
A way to turn our hearts toward another country
A joyful pursuit
A wonderful thing to do
A warm-fuzzy feeling that wells up inside you
A character building experience as you learn to wait for God's timing

I could go on and on.  There are many things that I thought this journey would produce in us as a family.  (Not the least of which was two new daughters who would have joined us by now).

But the reality is, this journey is not any of those things listed.  This journey is the slow, careful and methodical  process of bringing me (kicking, screaming, crying) to the point of surrender.  For a person who likes to be in charge and who likes organization and nothing out of control, this is a monumental task.

The reality is, the only rescue mission happening here is the one where God painfully rescues me from my own ideas and notions of how this should go.  The  teaching of selflessness in this situation is not for the children, but for me as I learn to do things God's way, not my way.  The awe, wonder, goodness, and warm fuzzies come not from the girls who will one day have a home here, but from the reality that no matter how much I pout, complain, whine, or cry out to God, He will STILL hear me and He will STILL stand with me, and He will STILL not let me go and somehow STILL LOVE ME.

Maybe I am a slow learner.  Maybe in my heart things had taken root that really needed a lot of work to remove (like the wart on my son's toes which we have been working on for a very long time)  Over the course of the past six months these adoption misconceptions have begun to clear up in my head and I feel fully surrendered.....fully  free to enjoy where God has me right now.  Where is that, you ask?

Stuck with a heart in two different countries.
Praying without ceasing for my six children, only four of whom I can lay hands on right now.
Waiting for his perfect timing....sometimes with confusion, but always with Thanksgiving.
Learning to live FOR HIS GLORY in this present moment since this is all that he has promised me.
Trusting that what I feel (despair, impatience, hopelessness)  is not always what is real.
Loving being here even on days when my heart draws me to Haiti and longs to be holding two little girls who captured my heart when I first held them over a year ago.
Rejoicing in the plan that God has for this family that will result in two more seats filled around our table.
Surrendered to His plan, His timing, His love.

Jeremiah 33:3  Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

Archival Extraction

Bummer news of the week:  a file has to be extracted form the archives before we can get out of IBESR.
I don't have any idea of what the archives in Haiti looks like, but that sounds daunting and LONG to me.Frustration set in rapidly this week and was quickly followed by grumpiness and maybe even a little feeling of depression.  The feeling of being separated from two people you have grown to love, and of not being able to help bring you back together is harder then I imagined .  

Excellent news of the week:  This is all accounted for in God's plan to bring you home.  This week I was reminded by my best friend that God appointed your homecoming day long ago-even before I knew you would ever be a part of my life.  He has set aside the right time and life situation for you to arrive in Virginia.  For Him to give in to my desires right now would be akin to a mom giving in to a toddler who can't see, know, or understand that there is something much better in store.  So today I am thankful that God loves (and you!) me enough to not give me what I want, rather he gives me what He has deemed best.    What a mighty God we serve.