December Birthdays

I had hoped that the hustle and bustle of December would distract me from thinking about my girls.  Since coming home from meeting you both, it has been harder to wait for news of progress, harder to think about you without feeling lonely and discouraged, and harder to be away from you each day.  December 2 came and went, and we celebrated Sleyka's 3rd birthday without her.  Tomorrow Sunshine's birthday will come as well and we will celebrate her 6th birthday without her.  We were reminded this morning as we sat at the breakfast table and read our Bible that many people in history have waited for God's timing.  In Habakkuk the people were reminded that God heard when they cried out to him.  He knew their situation and he had a plan for them.  We were reminded that we need to sit at the top of our watchtower and wait expectantly for Christ.  We had hoped, in our human timing, to have word of dispensation before Christmas.  We had prayed that God would speed our process along.  We had dreamed of an adoption decree in 2012.  It seems God's time line is different from what we had hoped.  

Next week Jesus' birthday will come and we will celebrate him and worship him, and as we do, we will proclaim from our watchtower that Jesus Christ same to seek and to save.  We will rejoice that both of you girls will continue to grow and to hear God's word everyday at Lifeline.  We will expectantly pray and beg God to bring you home sooner, but we will wait in our watchtower and our hearts will grow fonder of you and long for you more each day.  And some day soon, we will get the phone call that says we are one step closer to you.

Happy Birthday Sleyka!

Happy Birthday Sunshine!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Home from Haiti

Ryan and Sunshine at lunch-talking about teeth

Last week we experienced several "firsts." It was our first trip to Haiti.  It was the first time we left our children home with a school work and a substitute teacher (Nana, you did GREAT!)  It was the first time we ate rice and beans for lunch and dinner every day for a week.  But, it was also the first time we met the two little girls who will grow our family this year.  It was the first time we held two  girls who learned to call us, "Maman and Papa."  It was the first time we got a real picture of what life might be like when those girls come home on a plane to live with us and be ours forever.

The purpose of the trip was two-fold:  to bond with the girls and to file an immigration form with the DHS in Haiti so the girls will be granted a travel Visa when the time comes.  In order to file this form, adoptive parents must meet the children and "approve"of them in person.

On both accounts  our trip was a success.  We met the girls at the orphanage on Monday and took them back to our hotel with us where they stayed with us until Thursday afternoon.  Tuesday and Wednesday were days to be together and get to know each other around the pool as well as a chance to meet other parents who are working through our same agency.  We played some games, swam in the pool, and watched some movies together.  We decided that "bonding" was an awkward word for what was taking place.  It is hard to bond with young people who you are meeting for the first time, especially when you do not share a common language.  (That said, they did understand some English and my rudimentary Creole was handy as well for conveying simple messages).  

Sunshine getting ready for a swim-the goggles were mostly for looks!

Thursday we had to go to the US Embassy to appear before a judge and accept the girls as our own.  The appointment took 4.5 hours  (actually it only lasted 5 minutes but there was a lot of waiting around).  When we got back to the hotel where they girls were playing with friends and some of the staff from the orphanage, we had about an hour before we had to say goodbye.  (Open the floodgates). I had hoped to go, conduct business, meet the girls, and come home with pictures and videos showing how cute they are and how much fun we had.

The best picture we have of Sleyka and mommy-courtesy of Sunshine!

In reality, I came home broken.  The business was conducted, the girls girls were met, and we came home with pictures and videos (not great ones, but they'll do). The brokenness came when I fell in love with these two little girls.  Sunshine is a vibrant young lady who loves people  cares for others, and wants to please everyone.  She nurtures her little sister, seeks out others who need help, and does all within  her power to love others.  Sleyka has a laugh that will melt your heart.  She is intrigued by others, enjoys watching life around her, and loves a good bag of animal crackers.  After three days of holding these girls and playing with them, I could start to see how they will fit in the family.  But I also realized that I can't start life with them yet....and that hurts.

All the girls-this is a pretty typical expression for Sleyka

So, when asked how our trip was, I can say it was hard, but it was good.  It was different than we expected (more vomit and crying  and less Skype time)  and it was critical to growing our faith.  We know that God's timing and provision is perfect so we'll trust Him in the rest of this process.  We also know that he joined our hearts to Sunshine and Sleyka through this trip and this Thanksgiving we'll be able to rejoice more richly knowing the sweetness of God's love.

Countdown!

Two weeks from now we'll be packed, and ready to go.  We'll be trying to sty busy for 48 hours to distract ourselves from the fact that we are getting so close to meeting you.  We'll have clothes, toys, books, snacks, and sippie cups packed.  We'll have donations for the orphanage that friends in Virginia are sending with us for you ad your friends.  We'll have swim suits, bubbles, glow sticks, and arm floaties.  We'll have flip flops and our camera and cute little love notes from your siblings.  We'll have everything we have been thinking about bringing for the past 9 months, and all we'll be missing is you.
But, 2 weeks and 48 hours from now we'll have you too!!
Daddy and I can't wait to grab you from the orphanage and get almost a whole week to play with you and meet you and to have fun with you.  I hope you are ready for us.....because we can't wait to get you!!

One More Month

Girls,
One month from today we'll hold you for the first time.  Just one month.  After 6 months of knowing you would belong to our family  and after knowing you only through pictures, we'll actually see you, touch you, hold you.  We'll tell you who we are and we'll tell you we love you.  We'll hug and not want to let go.

As I think about how that will go, I feel a mix of emotions.  Will you understand who we are?  Will you know that we are your parents?  Will you like us?  Be scared of us?  Will you want to go with us?  What if you don't like what we look like?  Maybe you wanted a mommy with short hair, or a daddy who doesn't wear glasses.  You've had ideas in your mind about us just like we have about you.  What if we are not what you dream of when you go to sleep at night?

I can fill my mind with thousands of questions and fears  Shallow, insignificant thoughts that don't really matter.  But maybe they do.......

When I get overwhelmed with the questions and fears and wonder, "What are we doing here?  How can I possibly provide you with a better life than what you have now?  What makes me think that I have what you need?  I can't rescue you.  I can't save you.  I don't know you, haven't learned you yet.  We won't have a gradual process of knowing each other like I had with the other children.  We'll have to learn each other fast and resolutely decided to love each other and start life together   That scares me.  It stops me in my tracks.  It stills my heart and takes all of the good feelings out of this situation.

But when I find myself there, surrounded by my doubts, fears and assumptions, then God meets me and breaths His Word into my heart.  There he speaks and reminds me, "Lacey, I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and self control."  2 Tim 1:7.  There he reminds me that my God is also your God.  The God who painted the sky that you look at each evening in Haiti.  The God who heard you describe it as, "that beautiful sky that God painted."  

So, with one month to go before we are together, I am praying.  I am talking to God every day and asking him to help you accept me as I am, to love me as my mom, to trust that God put us together for His glory.  I am praying that I will know hoe to love you, how to hold you so that you feel safe, how to teach you, how to share Jesus with you, how to make a home for you.

And with one month to go, I am trusting that one month from now you two and us two will have a great time beginning to learn each other, and God's grace will fill our hearts and begin to meld them together, and we'll start to be a family.

We're In!

Girls, on Friday night we had ice cream in your honor.  We received word that our paperwork and your paperwork has been filed with the IBESR in Haiti.  (Your brother was unclear as to what it all meant, and for a moment thought we had purchased an RV for the family which was causing quite a stir!)  Though it really just means more waiting and a long trial of papers to be signed, we are thrilled to be one step closer to getting you here with us.  After a long summer of waiting for IBESR to re-open, and being told that everything might change now, we are glad to experience God's blessing yet again as we are grandfathered in with no new requirements.  We are counting the days until we come to meet you and praying that the days after that will not be long before we get to pick you up and bring you back to Virginia!!

His Ways

August 1 has come and gone.  IBESR (the social services agency in Haiti) is still closed.  The promise of an August 1 re-open has come and gone, and a new date of September 1 has taken its place.  Another week has come and gone and we have no movement, no update, no breakthrough.  There have been no emails or letters to indicate that things here on this earth are moving me closer to my daughters. My October trip to meet the girls turned to a November trip.  The lawyer has not completed the social history for the girls.  By all accounts, we are at a stand still.  By earthly standards we have the right to be frustrated, angry, annoyed, disgruntled and many other things.  But, we are looking to a higher standard.  One that tells us that the same God who matched us with these beautiful girls, is the God who is currently providing for them, and caring for them.  He is the God who operates outside for our time.  He is the God who meets all of our needs according to HIS riches in Heaven.
So we are resting in His ways, looking forward to His gift of November 13th,  asking Him for patience, and praising Him for His constant love for the girls and for us.  We are really learning that His ways are not our ways.  WOW!  We have a God who cares enough about us to bring the rich blessing of two new daughters into our lives and while we wait for his promise of them to be fulfilled, he teaches us things we need to know about who he is and how we should see him-things that will bless us and make our lives more full.  What a mighty God we serve!!!

Silence

The blog has been quiet for a while.  There have not been new updates.  There are not new advances to report.  There has been waiting.  There has been silence.  But, there has also been growth and peace.  Since May, I have seen you both grow.  Sleyka, you smile more.  Your sweet little baby face is growing and changing into the face of a little lady.  You are getting taller, and you look more like your sister than ever before.  You have learned that you are in a safe place where there are ladies who love you and care for you. You have been given new clothes and small gifts, and over time you are learning to receive those things from others.  Sunshine, you have grown taller, and more mature as well.  You have learned to bring joy and a smile to others, no mater what the circumstance are.  You have learned that you have a family, though that might not make sense yet.  You have learned that we will come for you, though it is hard to know when.  You have met a lady from our church who will one day be your Sunday School teacher, though you were unable to understand that when she held you.  But maybe you sensed it, because you smiled for her, and brought her joy.

While you have done all of that, your siblings here have been working hard to raise money to send to your orphanage to help improve things there.  God has blessed them by allowing them to be involved in His work.  They have watched dogs, done chores, completed projects, and raised awareness about the needs in Croix-de-Bouquets.  By the end of the summer they will send $1180.00 to the orphanage.

While they have been working on that, my heart has been growing.  Miss Emily sends me pictures of you that tell me the story of your life in Haiti.  I am preparing to come and meet you in two months, and then again three months later to bring your Nana to meet you.  I am not learning much about Haiti right now.  I am not learning much about you right now, but I am learning much about our God.  Just today, as I was praying for you and persistently asking God to bring you home in Spring 2013, I learned more about our God.  There are times when I wonder if it is really possible that you would be home so soon when others seem to continue to hit walls in their process.  the verse the Lord gave to me today was one that has always been a favorite but today I heard it with fresh eyes.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord will all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight."  I always knew we should trust in the Lord.  But today I heard the second part.  When I lean on my understanding, I realize that it could take along time for you to be here with us.  But when I recognize my limited, human understanding for what it is:  a partial picture of the situation colored by my sin nature, then I can allow God to have the space he deserves, and I can begin to trust in HIM with my whole heart.

So, tonight, I am heading into August.  Tomorrow the IBESR is supposed to open.  Tomorrow our paper work is supposed to be complete and ready to be submitted.  In two months I am supposed to board a plane with Daddy to come and hold you. And next spring you are supposed to come home to your Forever Family.   I have no confirmation from anyone on this earth  that those things will happen.  But I am confident in our God that all is well.  I am trusting HIS ways, even in the silence.