The next big thing

"Caps for sale!"

A week or so after Naomi and Joanna had come home, Ryan asked, "I wonder what the next "big thing" will be?"  At the time he was wondering what benchmark we were waiting for, what major thing wold we want to report on, what milestone would be so demonstrative of growth that we would mark it and share it with others.  At the time, I did not have a ready answer for him.  I was not sure what we were waiting for.  For two and a half years we had been waiting for the girls to join us. We knew exactly what we wanted to be able to report out.  We wanted to shout from the rooftops that they were coming, or they were here.   Each day we prayed for them and hurt for them and anticipated them being here. It was a long haul.  We got tired of waiting.  The hurt of that time has not gone away.  The very real daily sadness and feeling of slogging through a journey that had no end in sight will stay with me for a very long time.  Getting to the end of that was a HUGE benchmark n our lives.
So, what do we report out now?  There was nothing exceptional about our weekend.  While the boys went to baseball practice the girls bought tap shoes and tights and snacks to take on our beach trip.  We did chores, watched a movie and snuggled on the couch.  We went out for dinner and played at Gram and Grandpa's house. Nothing to report there.  Little things of interest that we noticed this week include the fact that the girls don't speak to each other in Creole anymore, they are willing to eat appropriate fruit peels (previously they ate only the insides of grapes, apples, peaches), friends in the U.S. are spoken of more often than friends in Haiti, and they now talk about "their" church and "their" home.

I am not really sure what major benchmarks we are looking for.  I guess the next big thing might be the absence of a big thing.  We are just doing normal life now.  (Don't get me wrong-we are still in the mode that speaker and blogger Jen Hatmaker refers to in her adoption blogs--that stage where our life is prone to spin out of control at any moment for no apparent reason, and most likely it will be at the point where things were moving along perfectly and as a result you let your guard down for a second to relax and take in the beauty of this thing you call a family and then WHAM!  you hit a wall and no one knows why and just to improve things the dog is throwing up, the phone is ringing, someone cannot figure out #15 on their math test and lunch is burning on the stove.)


I guess the next big thing is that things are starting to feel "normal."  English is flowing freely,  the routine is known and we are on a countdown to the beach.  Everyone smiled for a picture today-that is a pretty big thing!!!

Fixing Hearts and Sailing Boats

Last week got past me without a blog entry-but I wanted to capture the things that marked our week so here they are, a few days later than usual.

For over a year we have been tracking a heart condition that was discovered in Haiti when Joanna Sleyca was still living at lifeline.  The doctor in Haiti felt surgery was necessary and also felt they did not have the ability in Haiti to make that happen.  She was put on medication and we began to pray and pursue an expedited adoption process (that was a pipe dream as things still took a very long time to complete).

This week we were able to take Joanna to Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC for a cardiac cath procedure that closed the PDA (extra blood vessel) in her heart.  A simple and fairly non-invasion procedure which took less than 2 hours was completed to insert a small mesh plug that will stay with her forever and block the flow of blood in a area where it should not be flowing.  What could have been an outpatient procedure turned into an overnight stay at the hospital.  Though I was nervous because we had left Naomi at home with Nana (first time she has been without me), the stay overnight gave doctors a chance to measure pressure levels in Joann'as heart and eventually rule out another condition that we thought might exist.

We will continue to monitor her heart functions, but the procedure was a success and Joanna is a whole new child.  Her snoring has stopped, her energy levels are up, and she seems to never tire!  Oh, and she is sassy and  spunky and thinks she is adorable in all she does.  (which her brother James agrees with)  By the middle of this week she will resume all normal activities (really all she wants is to go to the pool!)

Yes, she did choose her own outfit!

While we were at the hospital, Papa and Nana hosted a boat making party for the other 5 kids.  Our American Heritage Girls Troop held a Raingutter Regatta this weekend so the grandparents helped the kids get their boats ready.  New things are hard for Naomi.  If she is not sure what to expect she often gets frustrated and then chooses not to participate.  I was pleasantly surprised when we returned fro the hospital sty to see that she had created a beautiful boat along with the other kids.  My expectations were low on Saturday as we went tot he regatta.  I was certain that she would enjoy watching the races, but confident that she would be hesitant to participate.  Boy was I wrong!  She raced her boat 4 times and really enjoyed participating with the kids.  I was thrilled for her that she was willing to try something new and she was very proud too.  For the rest of the day she told me, "Mom!  I did that.  I did it like this!"  (then she would act out the blowing of the boat in the gutter)

Since many of you have asked, I wanted to include a note that Naomi has been talking about her birth mother.  Fabiola came up in conversation this week twice.  Yesterday when we were at the grocery store, a very sweet African American woman stopped to chat with us.  After she walked away Naomi said that in Haiti she had a mom like that one.  (meaning her mom looked like that).  I told her i had met her mom and that I had a picture of her.  She got very excited and looked forward to seeing it when we got home.  When I showed her the photo later she was giddy.  She told me that she liked this mom (Fabiola) very much.  She was a good mom and she was very pretty.  At no point was there sadness in her voice-no emotion other than recognition and love.  She has not shown any signs of grief or loss since we have come home for Haiti.  She seems to have accepted her new place in life and not be missing her old one.  Yesterday when we were out in the yard she said something about Haiti and America.  I hugged her and told her she would stay with us forever!  Jokingly I said, "You'll never leave me, right?"  and she said, "Yes mom."  I was surprised until she finished with, "I am going to the trampoline with the kids."

This week Naomi also told me that Bailey was her dog.  She has fallen in love with him.  This was something that concerned me greatly before the girls came home as I was unsure how they would responds.  Joanna tolerates him, but she does not love hi the way her big sister does!  Naomi is quick to share a treat with him (though she did learn the hard way this week that chocolate makes him VERY sick so M&Ms are not for Bailey) and she is always looking to love on him.

Lest You Think It is All Happy All the Time....

Today was rough.   For those who have been following this amazing adoption story, this is the proof that this life is hard.  I spent hours on Sunday preparing for a great week of school.  I thought through each activity with each child in mind.  Nothing too hard, nothing too easy, nothing that would make a 7 year old feel too young, but that would still meet the needs of learning the basics.  I prepared, collected materials,  made copies, and gathered books.  Then I worked through who would do which thing and when so that everyone would get breaks while still being challenged through the morning.  It looked great on paper.  Naomi even told me at bedtime on Sunday that she wanted to have school tomorrow-I took this as a good sign.  I shouldn't have.  This is the thing about adopting an older child:  they shut down when you least expect it and you can't always figure out why.  Shutting down looks like staring blankly at a wall with her nose turned up slightly as if to say, "I care nothing about you or your words."  It is frustrating, heartbreaking, and maddening all at the same time.  And then it is magnified when the little sister, who was doing just fine, sees the shut down and allies with the birth sister for no apparent reason other than the blood that ties them together.  ARGH!!
Moments like these make me start to panic.  What if everyday is like this?  I can't teach 6 kids what they need to learn if we can't actually make forward progress. What if we never get past the number 9 and the letter H?  If this one child takes so much time, when will the younger one ever learn anything other than how to distract the big kids?  Why does she talk about loving school and then refuse to do any of the activities that are planned and waiting for her?  Why does it require a 30 minute tantrum in order for us to have a great lesson?  Why can't we just agree to work hard and learn alot and feel good about it?  (some of you are laughing at me right now....that's okay!)
I know many of you are thinking, just give it time.  They do need time.  We all do.  But in these moments I can't help but think that just time won't teach her to read and add.
In moments like these I am tempted to think that adoption is hard.  But then I am reminded that life is hard.  The more I thought about today, I realized that this day was not hard because I have two kids who were born in another country.  This day was not hard because some of my kids are still learning English, or because they are behind in school.  After all, much of the stress of this day came from kids who came from my womb-kids who know English perfectly and still don't always listen well, kids who are ahead in school but complain when they have to work hard.   Those kids had excessive tears over injuries, agony over math, stress over science, drama over sibling issues.
The hardest parts of today were not about adoption, they were about sin.  The hardest parts were about how we all want what we want and would prefer to have it the minute we want it.  I wanted a perfect school day with kids who love to learn and engage in thoughtful activities, followed by time romping in the fresh air outside and topped of with a healthy dinner.  That was not the plan that God had for my day, and he prepared me yesterday for this tough day.

Last night as I went to bed my 9 year old had left me a note in her journal.  She told me that no one is looking forward to Joanna's surgery tomorrow because it is not something we want her to have to have done. We wish she was already well.  She wrote "we will just have to power through the day.  That is what God wants us to do.  When I get sad or need to remember that I just remember James 1:2-3.  Sometimes we have to do things that are hard, but that is what God wants us to do."
 I guess God knew I would need that reminder so he gave it to me in advance.  Today was a trial, but it was what God wanted me to do, and I am thankful that he gave me a real, live reminder here in my home to help encourage me through my day.  I am also thankful that a game of Uno went a long way in repairing some of the hurts from the day for all of us.  (And I am still laughing that when Naomi had only one card left she couldn't remember what to say so she kept saying things like "Oh-No!" and "You-who!")

The Honeymoon is Over

I was at a leadership meeting recently for an activity that I participate in with my girls.  At the meeting, our leader was reviewing the stages of development that a group grows through.  Apparently this was a concept familiar to my husband too, as he could rattle of the stages, "Forming, Norming, Storming, etc..."
 In the "forming" stage the group comes together and everyone is polite and nice and on their best behavior.  It is fairly peaceful and idyllic.  The reason I bring this up is that there was a point this week where I realized that we, as a family, have exited out  of the "forming" stage.  The honeymoon is over.  The kids all yell at each other and fight as if they had lived every day of their lives together.  I find this maddening as there seems to always be at least one person either hitting, crying, tattling, or pouting.
We now fight over seats at the table, seats in the car, who gets the last piece of gum, who  spent too long in the bathroom, whose turn it is to pick a movie, who gets to be the doctor when we play "town", who gets to use the floatie at the pool....and the list goes on.  In my pre-adoptive days I would insist on better behavior and I would sternly set things straight with the crew and probably lecture them for far too long on their bad behavior.  This week, though, I grinned.  This kind of normal sibling behavior indicates that we are bonding.  We are letting our guard down, we are trusting each other, we are not on our best behavior, we are operating like a family.  Yeah, I love arguing!!  (well, not really, but I do understand the significance of it and am thankful that we are seeing it!)

In other news, we went to the zoo this week!  (I don't love the zoo as much as I don't love sibling fighting but it was for the good of the kiddos so I did it).  The kids all really enjoyed a beautiful day of animal watching.  The weather was perfect (not like a typical Washington DC August) so the animals were all out and enjoying the day.  A baby panda, two tiger cubs, monkeys, an oragutan on the overhead lines who was actually swinging his way from one platform to another, zebras, and prairie dogs all made the list of fun things to spot.  Naomi seemed to especially enjoy the sound the animals were making.  We were all a bit taken back when the grey seal belted out a Beagle-sounding howl!  Naomi thought it was hilarious and immediately recognized the sound as the way Bailey talks to the neighbors who walk by!
The highlight was the carousel ride.  I was so grateful to God as I rode on a ladybug selected for me by my kids that He has provided us with abundance.  We have more than what we need, and I was so happy to be able to give my kids the gift of a ride on the carousel.  I know it seems insignificant (it does it add up with  riders!) but it really did draw me to my Savior as we rode around and giggled and delighted in something so whimsical and so fun.  Each of the kids had a favorite animal that they rode on and Naomi and Joanna were thrilled with the ride.
 Though I deserve none of the gifts I have been given, I am constantly in awe of a loving God who chose to save me, bless me with an amazing family, and who continuously chooses to lavish me with good gifts.  The trials have been many, and they will continue to be plentiful and challenging, but the zoo reminded me that God's grace and goodness and blessings are to be celebrated.  (I do still strongly believe that the zoos in heaven will not require me to push a stroller up a HUGE hill at the end of walking around 20 miles of zoo paths in  95% humidity just to get back to my car that I had to pay a lot of money to park.....but that is another blog topic!)
The last highlight or notable thing this week seems to be the language development we have seen.  Four kids are mastering Creole as two others are mastering English.  Both of the girls have transitioned to mostly English when they talk to me.  They still use creole with each other sometimes, but most of what they are saying is in English with the rest of us. There have even been several times where Naomi has had to translate for me what Joanna is trying to say.  She has had to come up with alternative ways to say things-and she has done really well with it!!   It is amazing how much they comprehend.  Today as we were headed out to Target I was able to say to Naomi, "Could you go close and lock the front door please?"  And she quickly responded, "Yes!" and ran off to do just that.  Her sentences are getting longer and more detailed.  Each night at dinner one of the coolest things is when she remembers all of the things we have done that she wants to tell Ryan.  Sometimes the words are not quite there, but she will always remind me of what needs to be shared and then enthusiastically help me retell daily events.  I love how she waits for her daddy so she can share her day with him!

Week 5

I guess we are getting to the point where we will not count weeks anymore, but months that the girls have been home with us.  This week flew by and had some memorable times.  Here are a few highlights/lessons learned.
1.  We needed an oil change so we dropped of Ryan's car at Merchant's to have that never fully realizing the impact this would have on our two newest additions.  There was crying and mourning when we drove away and "daddy's machine" was staying at the garage.  Though we insisted it would be coming back home tomorrow, they protested that it was not broken and we needed to take it back home with us.  Oh the long faces as we pulled away.  And, oh the joyful homecoming the next day when the machine was back!!!!

2.  The car experience made me wonder how things would go when we sent the boys off to scout camp for three days.  Though Naomi will not actually acknowledge James as her brother (she will claim Silas) she was very upset when James and Silas left with Uncle Dean on their camping trip.  Tears welled up in her eyes and I had to bring her in to the calendar to show her when they would be home in order to ease her saddness.  There was also concern showed by Joanna when we were eating dinner (just the girls) and she realized that James and Silas were not eating.  "Mommy, James, Silas no eat!!!!" she exclaimed with wild eyes and panic in her voice.  I assured her that they would eat and camp but I am not sure she believed me.  There was a sweet reunion tonight when daddy brought the boys back home.  Hugs all around!!!

3.  Sometimes Creole words make for funny stories.  Ryan remarked this week that my cooking is okay, but only our Haitian kids ask for an "encore" of my lasagna!  It is also funny to hear them ask for an encore of things like the dog getting his head stuck in an oatmeal container this week-wish I had a picture of poor old Bailey.  Best part of this story is when Naomi wanted to recreate the scene.  She got the oatmeal container but he was not interested in an "encore" until she went and put a dog treat in it.  Then he fell for her bait and was stuck in the dark for a second time.  Oh how we laughed!!  Many of you have asked how the girls are doing with having a dog.....he steals their food and they play tricks on him.  I think they are doing just fine with him!  (yes, encore in Creole means "again.")

Joanna sorting and counting.  11 is her favorite number!

4.  "School in Haiti bad, School in America is good.  Mommy is a good teacher."  Words from my 7 year old that made my heart sing.  We started school this week (well, okay, it was like a practice week to get things moving in the right direction).  Naomi and Joanna were not quite sure what to make of school at home, but after a day or two they realized that we know how to learn AND have a good time.  They both did a great job and will be great additions to our school.  This year will be the first year that we are a preschool, elementary school, and middle school.  yikes!!

Ready to go shopping!

5.  "Everything is just starting to feel normal."  Wise words from an eleven year old whose world seems to be getting back to something approximating "normal".  We had a regular weekend that included some back-to-school shopping, organizing the school room, watching movies and just hanging out.  It really is starting to feel normal.  Well, until you here things like this.
Abigail:  "Nana is coming over and we are going to go shopping today."
Naomi:  "Shopping?  What is this shopping?"
Upon returning from the mall and Target Naomi exclaimed:  "I LIKE shopping."

Pretzel treat at the mall to power up the shoppers.